My First Wedding - Part I

by Cindy

I got invited to my first local wedding and I am so excited!  It is actually the wedding of one of my students with whom I have stayed in touch since her class ended.  She's traveled quite a bit to America so we often touch base about American things and after the wedding, she'll be moving to Boston where her finace is in graduate school.  There is even a possibility that I will get to see her this summer in Boston.

As for the wedding, I got the invitation on February 23rd for a March 3rd wedding at the Atlantis Hotel.  The short timeline is very typical.  The "maid of honor" hand delivered the invitation to my office. 

Once I had the invitation in hand, I had a million questions to ask and had to start planning.  First order of business - text another student of mine and have her meet me at Starbucks so I can ask all of my questions and get the inside scoop.  This young lady is my "go to girl."  I ask her all kinds of things and she's great with helping me bridge the gap between my American culture and the local culture.  I wish I could have recorded the conversation because it really would be worth listening to but here are the highlights.  Anything in quotes is literal (I swear!)

• The invitation says to show up at 8:30, that's what they all say. "I should show up at 10 or 10:30 that would be best."
• I need to wear a gown - full length, red carpet kind of gown.  "If Beyonce or Angelina Jolie wore it on the red carpet, you would be fine wearing it to the wedding."
• I need to wear diamonds (her assumption here is that I obviously own diamonds).  However, I need to "be sure that they are of good quality, particularly clear.  If they are not clear, someone might say something."  My student usually wears her necklace to weddings - it is 16 carats.  [At this point our converstaion digressed as to whether cars or diamonds are a better gift to give and which is a better investment.]
• I do not need to bring a gift, only the close friends of the bride will get her a gift.  "I especially do not need to bring her a gift of housewares like we give in America."  [By this time two other ladies had joined us and one of them thinks that housewares is a nice idea.]
• I need to wear my hair in a nice way.  One of the girls looks me over and says, "not like it is today."  Up or down is fine but it needs to be nice.  They verified that I had made a hair appointment (I had).
• I need to wear a lot of makeup.  Again, I got a look over and she reiterated "A LOT of makeup."  I need to wear eyeliner (I usually don't) and they all agreed that "cat eyes" would look good on me.  I should make an appointment at the salon on campus and they can put my makeup on in an appropriate way.  The current style for the local women is less makeup but still A LOT more than what a Westerner would normally wear.

Some of my questions were around what "must" I do, what "should" I do and what must I "not" do:

• Once at the wedding, I must go up on the stage and greet the bride.  The bride will not come off of the stage so if I don't greet her, she won't know I am there. 
• I probably should stay to eat if but I don't have to.  The food is usually pretty good so it is worth staying.
• I can stay until the men come (the men and women have separate parties) if I want, either way is fine.  I will know when they are coming becasue all of the women will put on their abaya.  I was told I should probably get an abaya, too.  If I stay until the men come, not only will I stick out because I am a Westerner but I will also not be covered so I will stick out even more.  [One of my Western friends advised me that unless I have an abaya, I should leave.  She said she stayed and felt totally naked.]
• I should take a friend with me (this is very common) because I will get bored just sitting there.  While I might be excited for this wedding becasue it is my first, the ladies all agreed that local weddings are really boring and that American weddings are much more fun.
• I should not sit close to the speaker or else I will not be able to hear for two days after the party.  The music is that loud.

So, the wedding is this Thursday night - I will let you know how it goes!