The following article is taken from our local paper. It's written by an Emirati who grew up largely in the US and has recently moved back to the UAE. It's part of a series of articles that he's writing on learning the culture here. This one is about the process of how Emiratis get engaged and married. The article in the paper is available at this
link.
Weddings vary greatly around the world according to region, culture,
religion and family background. Having attended a few in the United States, and
stumbled on one in Kashmir, my experience of the ceremony is still developing.
But when my brother recently put the wheels of his union in motion, I was set
to further my nuptial knowledge through an Emirati experience. The men's side,
anyway.
The first steps in this local unification came in the form of a meeting
of the female sides of the families. Since mothers know best, the prospective
groom's mum - my mother - along with the other women of our family, undertook
the ice-breaking journey to the house of his intended. This scouting expedition
ensured the women of the families, particularly the mothers, became familiar
and gave the women in my family their first glimpse at the bride-to-be.
Once everything was assuredly in order among the females, it was time
for the males of the families to gather. Dressed up in our finest and trimmed
to a tee, we men followed the same path our women had taken just a short while
earlier. Familiarisation again was key, but it was also at this time that the
formal request for the lady's hand in marriage was made and details of the
essential, predetermined dowry would be ironed out. These discussions would not
be held by the future groom, but rather the patriarchal heads of the families.
This is, after all, not just a union of two people but a coming together of two
families requiring appropriate representation.
Made in the presence of all, the official request, dowry details and
replies were communicated briefly at the beginning of the evening with the rest
of the visit dedicated to the men getting acquainted. Relations were not
hampered in any way by the incredible levels of hospitality given by the hosts,
who permitted no lulls between the offering of coffee, tea, fruit, desserts and
a local dinner not for the faint-hearted eater.
Having gone smoothly, the first meeting of the men gives way to closer
contact for the women. Now they will begin ironing out the details of the
bride's hope chest (an elaborate gift box containing the Dh20,000 dowry,
jewellery, fabrics, ouds, perfumes and more), of the engagement and wedding
rings, of the engagement party, of the milcha (a process in which the marriage
is made legal by a religious sheikh), and of the wedding dress and wedding, all
to be paid for by the groom and his family. By contrast, the extent of the
bride's responsibilities are preparing herself and shopping for a wedding
dress. Not too bad a deal on her side.
Once the groom has spent his heart out, the engagement party can take
place. The milcha can be held either then or the day before the wedding, and my
family opted to have it at the same time as the engagement party. Here, only
close family were invited, which in our culture includes a few cousins, uncles,
aunts, brothers- and sisters-in-law as well as parents, grandparents, siblings,
nieces and nephews.
On this occasion, the men and women of the families were brought
together under one roof, but in two separate living rooms, with the sheikh and
the children the only ones permitted to travel freely between both.
Dressed in our finest kanduras, we were witness to the legal bond of
the bride and groom according to Islamic law. The groom and the head male of
the bride's family joined hands while the sheikh, sitting between them, grasped
their hands, recited Quran and had the men repeat marital vows. Once the social
contract had been signed and witnessed, the news quickly spread to the other
living room. Being in earshot, we clearly heard the ululations, the almost
deafening, high-pitched celebratory sounds.
For the families, this meant we were now bound together by this union,
and in an instant our family numbers mushroomed. For the groom and bride, it
signified permission finally to be alone. But the marriage would not and could
not be consummated until after the big wedding. This last step in the Emirati
marital process, yet to be taken in this instance, is where the new wife and
husband are revealed and announced to the extended family and greater
community.
Never before having been a witness to the procedures of an Emirati
marriage, I am fortunate to be experiencing the process for the first time
through a member of my own family. Although the customs of Emirati weddings
vary greatly within the different regions and tribes, I now have a better
perception of what they entail - and what might be expected of me in the near
future.
