Middle East Jokes

by Cindy
We have all seen the emails that start, "You know you're from (fill in the blank) when (blank). We have one along those lines that I thought I would share to give you an idea of some of the crazy things we see/do around here.

You know you've living in the Middle East too long when:

• You give your friend of the opposite sex a hug in public and worry that you'll get deported for inappropriate conduct.
• You feel shocked that the male cashier actually touched your hand when giving you your change back.
• You can't believe the legal speed limit is only 60 MPH instead of 75 (120 kph).
• You can make a left hand turn.
• You momentarily freak out when you see birds eating in public in daylight during Ramadan.
• You are not shocked to see that the server brought you 1 kg of rice when you asked for a single serving.
• You start cutting lines before others do it to you.
• You find that you know more Hindi and Filipino words than Arabic words.
• You need a jacket when the temperature drops below 20°C [68°F].
• When someone tells you "see you tomorrow" and you immediately answer "inshallah".
• You start complaining when there is no Hummous or Falafel on restaurant menus.
• You are at the mall and expect to hear the call to prayer.
• You are shocked when you get exact change back at the grocery store.
• You are happy to run into a taxi driver who: a) who knows how to drive, b) knows the city, c) speaks some English.
• You do not find it strange that people ask "where you from?" but never ask you for your name!
• Nobody looks at you funny when you are educated but speak pidgin English so that you are actually understood.
• Flashing your high beams makes the car in front of you magically disappear.
• You can make u-turns almost anywhere.
• You are at the DMV asking about the women's only line.
• You are driving on the highway, in the left lane and a huge pick up (NOT a Land cruiser) starts tailgating. You think to yourself, "Why hasn't he flashed the brights? I'm not getting out of his way until he flashes me."
• You get a perverse sort of pleasure in asking every single cashier what the return policy is, just to hear them say 30 days with the receipt. You nearly pass out when you are told 90 days and if I change my mind, I can just bring them back.
• You can spot a camel grazing on a sand dune at 300 yards while driving by at 120 kilometers per hour.
• It’s normal for a stranger to ask if you are married.
• You make sure to leave 2 hours between appointments, due to traffic.
• You've forgotten how to wash your own car or pump your own gas.
• You think the uncut version of "Little House on the Prairie" is racy.
• Your idea of housework is leaving a list for your housekeeper.
• You give directions by land marks instead of by road names.
• You wear a jacket inside and take it off outside.
• You understand that wadi bashing isn't a criminal act.
• You have to repeat your order six or seven times: Whopper, Fries, Coke....and then after all that you open the bag: Big Fish, Onion Rings, Apple Pie, and Fanta.
• When you think it's normal to have a box of tissues on the restaurant table instead of napkins.
• You walk around Walmart for 10 minutes looking for the produce weigh station.
• You realize that you have checked EVERYTHING off your list. From shopping in ONE store!
• You hardly notice the two men who just walked by you holding hands, but you feel somewhat concerned about the old married couple coming towards you holding hands!
• You think a co-ed swimming pool is strange.
• For a total of about $50, you can get a Moroccan bath, a manicure, a pedicure, a facial, a massage, and a hair treatment, and then follow it up with a tasty and ample Indian dinner for your family of 4. And while you are doing this, you are fully aware that, within a 10 minute drive, you could also spend your annual salary in one sitting on the very same services.
• You know that "same-same" definitely isn't.
• You don't know what your own street address is. In fact, you don't know the name of the street that you live on!
• When someone complains to you about another person's job performance or behavior, you immediately ask for that other person's ethnicity or nationality.
• When you order "tea", you mean hot tea, not iced tea.
• When you forget how to clean up after yourself. For example, it doesn't even occur to you to clean up the table after eating fast food at the mall.